Do you ever ask yourself, "How stupid can I be?"

Well that is the question that I just finished asking myself. I don't think that there are many situations where it's appropriate to talk to yourself that way, but this might be one of them. It's one thing to make a mistake that requires repentance. It's another to make a mistake that requires repentance after having seen the same pattern leading up to the mistake. There's a pattern that I'm familiar with in my own life, so familiar with in fact that when I realized I had not noticed it, I said to myself, "How could I not have noticed, that's MY pattern."

Here's the pattern: If I have not been reading my scriptures in the right manner, or praying in the right manner, or just not connecting with Heavenly Father, my first sign is a hunger for things of righteousness. I start to hunger and thirst for the scriptures. Not an uncontrollable hunger, just a strong desire in my heart. When I'm observant, I say to myself, "Wow, I'd better sit down and read my scriptures" or "I need to spend some more time on my knees." When I'm not observant, I cut corners and think, "This will do." When I'm not observant, it's usually about 1 or 2 days before I find myself on my knees repenting of something. I felt this hunger a few days ago. I didn't remember it until just a few minutes ago, I was sitting at my computer and looked across my bed. And guess what I saw: My scriptures.

This may not be significant to you, but the reason those scriptures are sitting on my bed is because about 2 nights ago, I was hungering for them. I was already in bed, so I just grabbed them from off my desk and held them close. I went to sleep like that. Do you think that I woke up early the next morning to read them? Do you think that I remembered that hunger and supped from them the next day? Or do you think that I might have even missed reading them at all that day?

It was the latter. And yes, I ended up on my knees today, repenting, knowing that my heart had not been in the right place or my actions those of a worthy priesthood holder who is engaged in the work of God. I knew that pattern. It isn't a new one. So, now I have to figure out why I didn't respond the way that I know I should have. What was I doing that kept the right response far from my mind and heart? Any insight would be appreciated.

In case you haven't heard, Pres. Hinckley's funeral will be broadcast tomorrow (Sat) at 10am Mountain time. Here is Broadcast Information for BYUTV.

In times like these, it's important to remember a quote by Elder McConkie, who was speaking of the passing of Pres. Lee and the subsequent calling of Pres. Kimball. Adapted for our situation, he said:

"Now, no one can say too emphatically or too strongly or praise too highly the leadership of President [Hinckley], but this is a forward-looking Church. We do not look backward. We do not do other than go forward and onward. Our destiny is to proclaim the everlasting gospel into every ear. This Church will roll on until the knowledge of God covers the earth as the waters cover the sea. And so we look to the future. We now look to a new prophet who will wear the mantle of leadership and who will, with dignity and honor and inspiration and with the guidance of heaven, do things that are appointed for his time and his season that no one else could have done. The Lord's hand is in the work, and [Thomas Monson] is the prophet of God, the mouthpiece of the Almighty for the time and the season that are appointed ahead. God grant that it may be extensive and long and that we may continue to get the inspiration and guidance that come through his newly appointed servant."

You can read the entire talk by Elder McConkie, Succession in the Presidency.